If you aren't exhausted you aren't doing it right...

Ever have one of those days? You know the kind of day when you are just D.O.N.E? The kind where being a mom seems like the worst job ever? When the noise level in your home is so deafening that you feel as though your head may implode? When you would just about kill or give your right arm to go back to the days pre-children where you would come home after a day at work, throw on some relaxing music and cook a dinner that didn't involve chicken nuggets or macaroni and cheese without a crying child hanging onto your leg? The kind of day that if you have to endure one more single second of arguing, whining or crying you may lock yourself in a closet and ignore them until their father gets home? The kind of day where you have separated hands from hair and toys from double death grips so many times that you consider letting them just fight to the death because surely one kid is easier (and quieter) than two? The kind of day where you remember a time when you didn't mind cooking, cleaning and laundry so much because when there were only two of you in the home there was 500% less of that to do?


You haven't? Then you aren't a parent. Or you are lying!


Have you ever had a day where your husband calls to check in from work and between the kids screeching and the dogs barking you just hang up the phone mid sentence because you can't hear a damn word he is saying anyway? How about the kind of day where you text your husband BEGGING him to get home 10 minutes ago because you seriously are on the verge of a break down? Or the kind of day where you find yourself alone at the gas station, pumping gas, and for a split second consider driving the opposite direction of home and just disappearing forever...?


You haven't? Then you aren't a parent. Or you are extremely well medicated.


Ever have a day where you consider never cleaning your house again until your children leave for college because right after scrubbing the kitchen floor your child throws their entire dinner onto that same floor? How about those days where you clean your home so well and finally feel like a champion and then bend over to pick something up off the floor and happen to look up and notice the inch of dried food your toddlers have wiped onto the underside of the kitchen table unbeknownst to you?


No? Oh you must have a cleaning lady.


We wait and wait for our children to utter those first adorable words "ma-ma" and get emotionally heartbroken if "da-da" happens to come out first. Until we realize that the old adage "Be careful what you wish for..." is oh so true. If I hear "ma-ma" one more time...!!!! I remember getting so mad when the string of "Mom! Mommy! Mommmmm! Mom!" would come out of my little mouth as a kiddo and the response I would get would be "She's not here" or "She changed her name" would get fired back from my mother. I get it. I completely and utterly get it.


I've been a mother for less than 4 years. I have cleaned poop out of tubs, I have wiped smeared poop off of walls and windows and tiny crevasses on my oldest child's face. I have been head-butted violently during toddler fits of rage.  I have left full carts of groceries in the middle of the store. I have fought a child for 10 plus minutes in the heat of summer to try to get him/her buckled into their carseat. I rarely get to go to the bathroom alone when I am at home. And speaking of the bathroom don't get me started on bath time... I eff'ing loathe bath time. I have cleaned up a dumped out bag of all purpose flour off of my living room floor. I have neglected my home completely because I can't do any maintenance to the outside without my child trying to run into the road. I have neglected the inside of my home because I can't paint or do repair work until 10:00 at night when everyone is asleep and out of the way, and by then after a full day of work it's the last thing I feel like doing.


Some days I sit in my home and look around and cringe. Some days I nearly cry. My home is messy. It is disorganized. It has primary colored toys clashing with my décor. It has dings in the walls+ from rough playing kids. What seemed like a big enough home when we purchased is now over-run with kids "stuff" and we are busting at the seams. I'm discouraged.


I'm also exhausted. The amount of cooking/cleaning/laundry that these two monsters generate is impossible to tackle in the few hours I get after work to deal with it (all the while breaking up fights, removing children from dangerous situations, and just trying to exist in this freaking three ring circus). Kids are freaking life suckers I tell you. Some days running into oncoming traffic seems like a fantastic idea.


I guess if I wasn't doing it right I wouldn't be tired. I guess if I wasn't parenting and letting my kids learn, play and grow into the amazing individuals they will become than I wouldn't be so exhausted. I guess it's just the norm to feel so run down as a parent to two little kids. I guess it's just nice to vent it out and maybe have a mom or two agree with you so that you know you are "normal" and that eventually this too shall pass. I guess it's just a fact of life with toddlers with determined, exploring and investigative personalities. I guess I'm lucky to have such active and excited kids to parent and guide. I guess I wish I just had a bit more energy and patience to enjoy it a tad bit more some days.




Public Service Announcement: I promise I love my kids endlessly and immensely. I promise I don't need an inpatient hospital stay to deal with these feelings. I promise I do probably need more yoga and more wine in my life. But other than that... I'm doing just fine.