Confessions.

I started writing this blog to provide written memories for my children. Something they could look back upon and read  "Our Story" to know what we were doing, what I was thinking and feeling, and how we were evolving as a family while they were growing up.

Since my stories are "real life" they aren't always a picture of June Cleaver in her high heels cooking a fabulous home cooked meal while running the sweeper with her left foot and reading a book to her child with her free hand. They have involved poop smearing. They have involved inward pregnancy emotions. They have involved post-partum self hate and body issues. My writing is real. I tell my story just how it happens. Real life. Some friends who have read my stories have made comments: "You should totally write a book. I love reading your writing." Ok... maybe not those words precisely... but to that same effect.

For a brief moment one night I entertained the thought. I even started writing a preface.  My thoughts were a satirical book about motherhood. Something real. Something funny. Something most of us, as mothers, could relate to yet laugh while reading. Something not watered down. Basically, I wanted to write what most of us were thinking, but maybe what all of us wouldn't admit or say out loud.

I want my kids to know that life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful. I also want them to know that they shouldn't feel the pressure to make others think their life is perfect, when in fact, it often isn't. I think a lot of us feel the need to make it seem to others like our life is amazing... we don't want them to know about our personal battles in life, love, money, health. And I get that. There are many things that are meant to be personal. But at the same time... putting on a façade, and faking a life that isn't ours, can often result in feeling worse than just letting people know who you really are.

So moral of the story... here is the beginning of the preface I wrote that night I was feeling inspired. Who knows... maybe some day I will get the time, energy and motivation to turn this into more than a blog post. Lucky for me, I will have all of my best stories stored here in my little corner of the internet and turning them into a book wouldn't be all that hard!

Confessions

When we are single and contemplating marriage or cohabitating with our significant other everyone acts like the world is going to freeze on its axis and life as we know it will end. The "ball and chain" concept is one that always baffled me. Putting a ring on someone's finger doesn't make them a prisoner in their own home. Exchanging wedding vows with someone doesn't, in an instant, turn your entire life upside down. Changing your last name doesn't twist your entire way of thinking, of acting, of being. The married couples who talk about how "hard" the first year of marriage is, well... They are in for a surprise. The married couples who have their fair share of "downs" their first year of "wedded bliss" don't know what's coming. I, personally, LOVED our first year of marriage. I'm sure we had a rift or two... But I really don't remember any big issues, because we had time to be "us". We had energy to love "us". We were "us". Here is why that all changes...

Clearly, whomever developed the concept of said "ball and chain" never had children. Nothing changes your life like a new baby. Nothing makes you confined to your home like a new baby born in the middle of a snowy winter or in the heat of the summer. Nothing turns your life upside down like a brand new swaddled bundle of joy. Remember those Sundays at the local watering hole watching the game and indulging in hot wings and few pints of beer? No more. Remember those romantic long weekend trips away with your husband. Be gone. Remember those weekly date nights at romantic or fun establishments when you left always feeling so connected and in love with your other half? Kiss that goodbye. New babies change EVERYTHING. Every last ounce of you morphs in that delivery room. The moment you go from a couple to a growing family is the most pivotal moment you will ever experience in your life. It's the most consumingly wonderful and at the same time terrifying moment you will ever experience. And it makes life hard. It makes married life really hard.

Surviving the first few weeks of breastfeeding? Easy peasy. Sleepless nights? No big deal. Constant crying? No problemo. The real challenge is the survival of your marriage. At one time you would snuggle on the couch and watch your favorite shows together in the evenings. You would feel connected. Now it's a betting game to see who falls asleep the fastest after the kids get tucked in. Real life with kids is bath times and stories and boo boo's and temper tantrums. Real life with kids is dinner time battles, sibling fights, and potty training. And its exhausting... on the mental, physical and emotional level it is exhausting. But somehow, at the same time, its wonderful and fulfilling and life changingly fantabulous. And, like most mothers... I wouldn't trade one ounce of that insanity for anything. But it's so easy to get wrapped up in those insane yet wonderful moments and forget about the other person that created those precious squishy cheeked babes... Your husband. Or your wife. Yep, that person over there on the other side of the room, or that person sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

Marriage is full of challenges. Money. In-laws. Life dreams. But in my opinion... mostly children. So for you married couples who have not had children yet... enjoy each and every second you have being a couple... You won't have that ever again, or at least for some time until your children are grown and on their own. For those of us with children... don't forget that person you fell in love with. Don't forget that person that you loved enough to create those adorable children with. It's easy to forget... believe me! Everything I have written are my feelings. My struggles. My life. And after reading this you will know my life isn't perfect. But it's mine. And my imperfect life includes my two gorgeous, silly and remarkable children. And my imperfect life includes my stubborn but loving, driven and handsome husband. And those three people make my world spin and my days worth living. And these are my confessions...